Sometimes Christmas comes whether your heart is ready for it or not. “Christmas Didn’t Come at All” is a song about facing a season filled with lights, music, snow and celebration when the one person you want beside you isn’t there. It’s about the silence of an empty house on Christmas Eve, the memories that make the loss hurt even more, and knowing that—even with the pain—you wouldn’t trade away the love that came before it. “But from things I recall, it was still worth it all…” 🎄 Christmas Didn’t Come at All Written by Juliann Farnsworthmore

* Dedicated to families suffering from dementia * I wrote my name beside the bed So I’d remember what it said Woke up staring at the line Knowing that the hand was mine There’s a photograph I know Somewhere I was years ago I recognize the dress I wore I don’t remember what it’s for Your number’s written by the phone I know your voice, but not your home You say we’ve talked a thousand times I smile and hope you miss the lie Names go missing, words fall out Something’s moving things around Every day another door Isn’t where it was before THERE ARE ROOMS I CAN’T FIND WHO KEEPS MOVING THEM INSIDE? I’VE BEEN HERE ALL MY LIFE SO WHY DOES NOTHING FEEL LIKE MINE? I KNOW YOUR FACE, I KNOW YOUR EYES I KNOW I LOVE YOU I DON’T KNOW WHY IF THESE ARE ALL MY MEMORIES WHY DON’T THEY REMEMBER ME? Found my keys inside the fridge Laughed until I forgot it Candles burning on the wall I know I should remember all Every picture proves I’m here But every year disappears THERE ARE ROOMS I CAN’T FIND AND THEY’RE DISAPPEARING INSIDE I KNOW YOUR FACE, I KNOW YOUR EYES I KNOW I LOVE YOU I DON’T KNOW WHY You found me crying in the hall I couldn’t find the room at all You took my hand and said my name I asked you why you looked afraid You said, “It’s me.” I said, “I know.” Because I knew I should. I didn’t. WRITE IT DOWN WRITE MY NAME TELL ME WHO I WAS AGAIN TAPE THE PICTURES TO THE WALL LABEL EVERY FUCKING HALL DON’T BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY NOTHING’S WRONG THERE ARE ROOMS I CAN’T FIND AND THEY’RE DISAPPEARING INSIDE I’VE BEEN HERE ALL MY LIFE BUT EVEN I DON’T FEEL LIKE MINE I KNOW YOUR FACE, I KNOW YOUR EYES I KNOW I LOVE YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHY IF THESE ARE ALL MY MEMORIES WHY DON’T THEY REMEMBER ME? I wrote my name beside the bed This morning I couldn’t read it There was a photograph of you I think I used to know you toomore

I wrote “In Your Secret Garden” for the memorial of my sister Taunna, who wasn’t only my sister—she was my best friend for life. One of Taunna’s last projects was creating her own secret garden, and she had a deep love for flowers, rain, nature, and growing things. After losing her, I found myself thinking about that garden and imagining myself going there looking for her, even though I knew she was gone. This song grew out of that grief—the instinct to still want to call her, talk to her, and search for her—and gradually became something more hopeful. The garden became a reminder that the things we plant in this life can keep growing after we’re gone, and that love doesn’t disappear with death. This is for my sister, my lifelong best friend. Until we meet again, Taunna. ❤️more