Question is do I take this version NOT THE MUM I NEED or should be 'Not my Mum' https://slaps.com/track/SifTHEqV ? And a massive thank you to everyone that messaged me personally, I truly appreciate it, and if it helps then I guess baring my truth is worth it. NOT THE MUM I NEED I was Confused bemused with nothing left to lose The day you said you loved me Was it true Who knew. I was your punch bag to fill your angry gap I was the reflection you saw I somehow made you appalled when you looked at me reminding you of a man I never knew the failure you were sure i would be I don't think you cared what would become of me Belted and whipped, the scars that i'll keep Every flaw only you saw, and you’d say nothing will come of me just failure, defeat, you kept drumming in me And when I told you the Of the years of my abuse you simply sighed nothing else said, all done, the issue was defused You didnt face the truth or fight for my innocence or youth the maternal love had a long time died calling you mum always felt like i lied you're not the mum in the way that I need Love shouldn’t cost me bruises and screams Even despite what I achieved. Could have walked the seven Seas In the end I stopped trying to pretend we had a the coveted mother child bond on my own I proved you wrong I learnt to defend & fight and find where I belong I Understood who I am. And can rise above like whats said in that song About not how you fall but about how you rise above something about having self love I'll remember the day we found out my cousin was abused too And how you crumpled and cried, like your child had died But seemed to forget it happened to me too The horror of the past stood there in view I, your daughter, alive right beside you my cousin and me witnessed you break and made it about you but we were kids and should have been protected you the parent and aunt should have shown love but you deflected it was on that day I withdrew I gave up on you For me you should have cried but also be filled with pride Instead I was struck like the belt that you used to hurt me That this girl of yours despite all the odds had managed to thrive Inspite of all the troubles I'd had in my life Now im a mum everyday its a blessing a mum thats present my love isn't missing A point that was missed by you my grandma who raised me would tell you its true I'm simply basing it on the way you treated me maybe call it neglect id don't know but Love should come with no fee But you're not the mum in the way that I need Love shouldn’t cost me bruises and screams the only attention was when you were beating me I was the seed that you planted should have watered and nurtured cherished who i am, been eager to see who I'm destined to be But you only saw the negative version you expected of me. but this daughter of yours was really the prize So today, I think you've come to realise Now you need of some help as you got old but unlike you i cannot be as cold You called me dumb couldn't see I'm clever But you're not the mum in the way that I need Love shouldn’t cost me bruises and screams the only attention was when you were beating me Now you’re the one in need The roles reversed, it’s my love that you seek But the garden you planted was choked by the weeds A garden in need of love is now impossible to feed Because I can't shake the notion that I should have been loved. more