When I was younger... well, not that much younger. Let's just say... a little less emotionally mature. 😅
Back then, I genuinely thought I was protecting myself.
Whenever someone got too close, whenever a relationship started feeling real, something inside me would quietly pull the emergency brake. I'd suddenly notice flaws that hadn't mattered before. I'd convince myself we weren't compatible. I'd call it intuition... when, in reality, it was fear.
Looking back, I don't think I was running away from love. I was running away from the unknown. Because loving someone for real means accepting that you can lose them, that they can change you, that you no longer control everything.
Thankfully, that's no longer who I am today.
I wanted to write this song because we don't talk about this side of relationships very often. We hear a lot about the fear of being abandoned. Much less about the fear of finally finding something real... and walking away anyway.
Airplane Mode is for everyone who's ever mistaken self protection for freedom, and fear for instinct. Sometimes the biggest risk isn't falling in love... it's never giving yourself the chance to.
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[VERSE]
Summer getaway, California coast
Windows down, singing way too close
One Airbnb, one carry on
Your hoodie somehow became my own
AirDropped pictures from the pier
Sunset looked better with you here
Every green flag checked the list
You made forever hard to resist
[PRE-CHORUS]
Nothing to repair
Nothing to decode
The calmer my heart became
The louder my survival mode
[CHORUS]
You put me in airplane mode
'Cause my amygdala told me, "Keep control"
The safer your love, the less I could breathe
My fear wore your name, but it wasn't you I needed to leave
No broken trust
No reason to go
I walked away from everything I'd waited for
Still don't know why I let you go
[VERSE]
Thanksgiving around your place
Your dad said, "Hope we'll save your space."
Your sister tagged me in the photos
Your grandma said, "I've never seen you smile like this."
Then my mind began to spin
Double texts... "Too much too soon."
Talking 'bout next summer... "Maybe we're moving too fast."
Green flags slowly turned into masks
[PRE-CHORUS]
I wasn't reading warning signs
I was writing every page
Every peaceful little moment
Started feeling like a cage
[CHORUS]
You put me in airplane mode
'Cause my amygdala told me, "Keep control"
The safer your love, the less I could breathe
My fear wore your name, but it wasn't you I needed to leave
No broken trust
No reason to go
I walked away from everything I'd waited for
Still don't know why I let you go
[VERSE]
Birthday candles, crowded room
Your wish was looking back at you
Your mom saved every photo
Like I'd already been there too
Your friends kept saying, "Don't mess this up."
I smiled while planning my escape
The future knocked upon my door
I turned away and closed it more
[PRE-CHORUS]
The closer love looked like home
The louder danger sounded
I confused being deeply loved
With losing who I was
[BRIDGE]
There never were red flags
I painted every one
Called my fear "gut feeling"
Called my panic "common sense"
Love never threatened me
Safety did
I spent my whole life searching for
The kind of heart that chooses mine
Then left the moment
It finally did
[CHORUS]
You put me in airplane mode
'Cause my amygdala told me, "Keep control"
The safer your love, the less I could breathe
My fear wore your name, but it was never you
No final fight
No one to blame
I spent my whole life looking for love...
Then ran away the day I found itmore