A live version of a song called Walls, taken from a small, intimate garage show about a week back. Musically, it's somber and contemplative, building to an explosive, heavy, and frankly, filthy ending. Lyrics start a bit after 1:35 or so. Lyrically, it's about the struggles of marriage (or any relationship, I guess, but it was directly inspired by my marriage): the fights, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness, running (from God/partner/self), the inability to communicate. These are all told through snapshots in the lyrics, with the second verse culminating in something I have said out loud to my wife after we have both finished tearing each other down in a blowout fight: "why are we so mean"? Marriage is hard. This hardly even captures all that I need to say, but it's the first set of lyrics that I, personally, have written in about 3-4 years and I'm proud of it as a foray back into writing lyrics again. http://www.fuzzyvandelay.com/music has the the whole show ~ We're not on the same page Missed again today I hate the place we end up when we stray Don't look me that way I feel a creeping rage Recoil at your face I hope it goes away You don't see me that well I run until I'm small enough to go unseen Punching fists with the wall It never helps at all A hateful heart My God Why are we so mean?more

From the EP "Breathing in the Dead Air". Released on January 20, 2020.more

This industrial-esque rock song with sludge influences is heavily inspired by the imagery of Twin Peaks. How many references to the show can you catch? Lyrics start just after :30. Lyrics: I'm not lit Someone give me a light Cause the smoke signal I should emit has run dry Spewing out words Not accompanied with thought Tomorrow's yesterday I will change But today I am not I am the sun The center of all that is But I have no problem turning me off With you headed into the abyss Ironic Because without me things just get hotter But to change is too much work So I won't even bother Reflections in the mirror don't look how they used to I see a different me and not an image of you Polluted, raped, and beaten into someone new And I do not like myself Disgust from what I do I have been touched By the devilish one He put a mark into my skin So I forget where I'm from And I live somewhere between two worlds Not where I should be But the note I wrote the world said FIRE WALK WITH ME Take it slow so we all burn up I won't hold you back from safety But I won't help you across I can't find resolve And I can't pick a side So I guess I'm just descending On my private little ride Reflections in the mirror don't look how they used to I see a different me and not an image of you Polluted, raped, and beaten into someone new And I do not like myself Disgust from what I do Prioritize my life Cause I can't do it right I lodge myself in darkness when the day turns into night I cannot find a way out of repeating rooms The monsters aren't so scary when you've become one too ~ This song is about being misinterpreted and realizing I have misrepresented myself to the detriment/confusion of another's relationship to God.more