This is a song I wrote in 2014 when I was working 15 hour days as a nanny in TriBeCa, in a parking garage sandwiched between two walls and practically curled up into a ball in this little alcove.
I am not cured from what this time period represents, but I feel like the moment I wrote this was the first time I really met myself. I allowed myself to be human, truly honest with myself, I didn't alter myself in any way to make it sound more comfortable, or to make myself more socially acceptable, even though I really wanted to fit in and be sound of mind at the time.
I want to hold onto some of the themes that arose from this sad musing, that I find to be powerful - solitude, freeing myself from fitting the image and narrative others had of me (and how that differs from how I really feel, or who I am) and just holding space for one's self in an "imperfect" state; simply stated, just not demonizing myself for experiencing the full range of emotions that exist within the human experience. What I really see in this song is a person trying to take their power back, by acknowledging the dichotomy and intricacy of heartbreak and loss, and how it can be a catalyst for some type of growth or new direction, as painful as it can be. I wanted to be an idealized version of myself before I wrote this song, but I've come to realize I like this person a lot better.more